Just the Worst Year

DSC_0259editedStanley Duke

10th August 1933 – 6th December 2016

I lost my Dad. He passed away just before Christmas. Now free from pain and confusion.

I am still completely devastated. He suffered from Parkinsons Disease for a number of years, and more recently, Dementia. After suffering from a bad fall at the end of the summer, he went into hospital, and just didn’t ever recover. Looking back, all the signs were there. That he’d had enough. But when you are there, in the moment, you just don’t see that clearly enough.

Myself and my Mum stayed with him in the hospital for just under two weeks, whilst he slowly left us. I will never forget it. Not ever. The memories are still raw and still very painful. On the morning of his death, I held his hand tightly. I kissed him. I whispered to him that it was time to let go. I told him we all be ok, that he shouldn’t suffer anymore. So at just before 11 am, that is exactly what he did. He let go. I am sorry though Dad, because I lied. We are all not quite ok.

There were no sunrays from heaven. No angelic singing voices. No feeling of release. Just nothing. His empty, lifeless body, and it was impossible to leave him. My heart broke.

I adored him. The best father anyone could wish for. And he loved me to bits. I have surrounded myself with photos of him. Captured moments are more precious that you could ever imagine they would be when you take them. They make me smile and they make me cry. They help me remember clearly. They will be treasured and loved forever.

After just the worst year ever, he could not possibly want me to be sad forever. He will want me to get up and move on, and that is exactly what I must do. Get up and move on. So this I will do now.

Love you always.

 

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